at : couch
I haven't used this journal in 3 years or something, but since my health i s becoming an issue again and I'm trying to keep my other journal more positive, it's time for SWB to be resurrected. We all need a place where we can be ourselves, even when we are feeling crappy, right?
So what's up? I have been wishing that my flavor of depression was more like this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.se/201
Yes, I have sought help. But the move meant new doctors and new waiting lists. On the bright side, I live walking distance from the psychiatric ER now. Unfortunately I haven't had time to break down completely and go there yet because I'm behind on my schoolwork and somebody needs to pay the bills and both Mikael and Michelle have birthdays in the next 12 days. Up until Friday I didn't even have anyone to watch the kids while I went off the deep end.
I can't help but hope that if I can just finish my damn term papers and wait until the appointment I have with a shrink on July 16 and go on vacation like the rest of the country, I might not have to drop of school or spend some time in the looney bin. I was even hoping to take a free rental car (through the Hertz Freerider program) up to Gothenburg this week so that the girls at least get what they want out of summer vacation, i.e. a trip to the Liseberg amusement park.
But dogs aren't allowed in the rental cars, no one wants to dog-sit, including the in-laws, and I seriously doubt any of the local dog kennels have an opening with this late notice.
My brain just isn't equiped to deal with a bunch of details at the moment anyway. My thoughts have been racing, when I open my mouth I can't stop talking and I suspect my problems are more bipolar than based solely on anxiety and depression and I need a serious revision of my meds, like my sister. And my sister is still struggling with her own BS in a country that is unforgiving, even of geniuses, when it comes to mental illness. And honestly I'm just too ashamed and terrified of what will come out of my mouth if I have a real conversation about any of this with my friends, because there is a story behind why all of this is going through my head right now, when, as those of you who know me know, I've always been a bit eccentric and talkative and slightly annoying. But I'm not ready to talk about that yet and this is getting really long so I'll shut up now.
Thanks for listening!